So, I don’t think that I am the only man who considers his bathroom as his sanctuary, his inner sanctum.  It’s a place where you can read, or play games on your phone, in peace.  Well, today my sanctuary was violated.  This picture give you a view of my sanctuary:

Now, let me set the scene.  I am seated, engrossed in a challenging game of Sudoku.  I glance up from my game to discover that across the floor from where I am seated there is a large wolf spider.  Now, I can deal with most things.  Snakes, blood, diapers, vomit, needles, etc. have never cause me much problem; but spiders are a different matter.  I absolutely hate spiders and insist that Kim be the resident spider hunter / killer for the household.  But here I am, all alone, confronted by a huge spider.  I stared at him, and he turned to stare at me.  It felt like a scene from an old western (cue music from “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”) where the hero and villain come face to face for the climatic duel.

As I mentioned, I am seated and there was still paperwork to be done.  The spider was frozen in place, so I got down to business.  As I completed the paperwork and started to stand up the spider charged!!  I jumped up, with clothes still around my ankles, and proceeded to slam my head into the overhead cabinet.  I immediately saw stars and fell back upon the toilet.  Then I remembered my evil nemesis, AH, WHERE IS THE SPIDER?!  I regained my balance, jumped up and darted to the side.  Then I saw him, he was on my trousers! AAAAHHHH!  I proceeded to do an Irish jig (clothing still in disarray) and the spider leaped to the floor.  I seized my chance and proceeded to send him to spider heaven by stomping the stuffing out of him.  The battle was over, and I was deeply shaken… but victorious.

After a moment to collect myself, and finish dressing, I picked Sid the Spider up (I felt he deserved a name) with a piece of tissue and took him out to show Kim.  Woman, gaze upon this lowly beast that your heroic husband had vanquished!!  Kim seemed less than impressed but she accompanied me back to the bathroom to give Sid a burial at sea.  I said a few words and when it was all over Kim kissed the sizable bump that had formed on the top of my head.

The battle was over and the vanquished had been laid to rest.  However, for me the memory will always remain.  My inner sanctum has been violated and I will never again be able to return without a detailed inspection… before sitting down.

So long Sid!